Speak With, Not To
Connected Leader, speak with your people, not to your people. When nothing else's certain, affirm that you're in this together.
Ongoing change (the new normal) is a "wintery mix” of human emotions. (Tell me why people hate weather reporters in a phrase that manages to be both ambiguous and dread-inducing.) In an attempt to provide clarity and confidence, leaders speak from the studio sound stage. You become the forecaster: glossy hair, laser pointer, seemingly no clue how the street level slosh feels.
When you position yourself outside the process, your words may land as condescending, cold, or— fatal in the era of authenticity—fake.
Change initiatives fail when leaders sit out. “She’ll be on a call during the team-building section,” reads, “This part’s fake.” Your willingness to be in the process is requisite.
"Speaking with” is not about making co-workers into coaches, friends, or therapists. Your emotional process is your responsibility. Call upon an executive coach or peer circle for support.
Then, communicate as transparently as possible from where you are.
If you’re reading this, you probably think you’re already doing this. And, you may be inadvertently “speaking to” versus “speaking with." Take me. I write to discover meaning, not to deliver what I already know. I share here with the hope of coming to new understandings together. And I struggle to develop my writing voice to speak from within the process rather than outside it. I sometimes get the feedback that I’m speaking down to you when I'm only and always seeking to uplift us all. (Let me know how I’m doing when you have a chance. )
I just got off a coaching session with a client leading major institutional change. She identified that people need a certainty she's unable to provide. I asked how she's finding certainty. "I have confidence in my leaders," she said, and then, "They're in the same spot." Full stop. By acknowledging that they're in the same spot, her leaders are providing certainty through uncertainty. She trusts them. Leave high-gloss perfection to the weather gal.
"Speaking with" says, "We're in this together." It's an art and a practice. To continue honing it, I’ve created a new Listen to Lead podcast series, In Pieces, conversations from within the process of leadership evolution. Because aren't we all, always, in it?
Tune into Part 1: The Workquake, with Dr. Suzy Scherf, Associate Professor of Psychology, and Penn State University Success Circler. Both a radical and responsible truth-teller, Suzy's a leader to learn from.
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