The Garden
On the kind of strong that gives life.
“I want to look strong, but I also want to be strong,” says the youngest member of our family, 6. How is it that children say what their families need to hear?
After Superstorm Sandy, Mom walked around our suburban town snapping pictures of fallen trees on her digital camera. In the post storm quiet, she was asking, Why did some trees stand while others fell?
The strongest person in her life—her older sister—had been hit by a car and died at 35 years old, leaving a 3-year-old son. After, Mom dreamt her sister was standing at a garden gate, calling to her to run deeper in.
Mom created Success Circles for the sisterhood she’d lost. Working as a women’s leadership coach at Bell Labs in the 90s, she felt how lonely women were. She sensed that bringing them together would help them thrive. Over 30 years later, her vision is flourishing.
While mom was snapping photos, in another part of New Jersey, Success Circle alum Diane McCarthy, then Verizon VP, was serving. She was tasked with restoring telephone lines. As she later shared at an alumni panel, this was possible because of the connected leadership style fostered in Success Circles. She called upon her 1-to-1 relationships, restoring service in record time.
Yet, while mom was supporting women, she wasn’t being supported. She didn’t know how to be. We come from a lineage of women who could do anything except look weak. Weakness in their minds meant being supported in any way.
Our mothers teach us how to be emotionally, physically, and spiritually nourished—or how not to be. Emotional anorexia runs beneath the diet culture so many of our moms passed down. The fear of being needy starves us. No matter immeasurable love, starving mothers can’t mother. We need nourished women to create a better world.
On her walk, mom found her answer to why some trees stood and others fell. She took a picture, sharing it at women’s leadership trainings, hoping it would answer another woman's question too. In it, a massive tree lies on its side. It’s hollow inside. You'd never have known.
This hollow feeling was my secret, too. Hardness looks like strength until we fall. Trees that stand receive dynamically across the forest in an interconnected system known as the wood-wide-web. Fortified, we can grow and give.
Strength isn’t singular. Mom grew the post-traumatic strength of self-reliance, building and gifting me a brilliant business. She weathered a million moments only to realize she’s human.
When brought to our knees, we realize our needs. We need the macronutrients of community. Success Circles grow the strength of healthy trees—rooting in values, standing with strengths, thriving through connection. The kind of strong that gives life.
Mom’s dream of her sister at the garden gate became a call to run alone. She forgot what was essential. My favorite 6-year-old reminds me: The garden.
Today, Success Circles membership is open to connected leaders beyond gender identity. We're an affinity group based on shared values, building better together. Learn about our membership program.
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