Being Liberated To Lead

Who are the real leaders in your life?

Mine are friends who are more liberated than I am in some way. They expand what feels possible for me. My friend Be, who came into her own after a series of losses. She teaches me how to surrender. My friend Mel, who committed to her artistic life. She teaches me not to abandon mine. My friend Rochelle, who I met just before she took off for her 60th birthday 40-day Camino de Santiago pilgrimage. She’s helping me prep for mine (more on this to come)!

Sometimes, other's liberation triggers us.  We say, “I would never…”, “I can’t imagine…”, “How dare they….”  Sometimes others' behavior is indeed undesirable, even unimaginable. And, this response often reveals where we’re denying our wants and needs. When someone has what we haven’t even allowed ourselves to want, it can feel painful.

When triggered by someone else’s choices, a helpful self-inquiry is, “What am I not letting myself want?” And then, “What am I not accepting that I need?” 

A client’s been wanting to make a career change. Over the years, this pressure has intensified, alongside her deepening commitment to her current role and life. “I can’t believe my friend!,” she began a session a few months back. She rattled off the unbelievable. This friend had just left her family and job, moved to Europe, and was pursuing who knows what professionally. My sweet client was raging. 

We unpacked this. Through guided self-inquiry she was able to identify that she values loyalty and care. She’d never abandon her life. And she envied her friend’s freedom. The question became, what do I truly want and need? Can I be both loyal and liberated? She’s preparing to leave her current job, at her pace, which is that of grace.  

How can we assess our wants and needs to make radically* aligned choices?

We all have areas where our wants and needs elude us. For me, this has been around where I want to live. I’ll be somewhere for a while (or a week) and want to move. I figure there’s something wrong with the place or with me.

This weekend, I had coffee with a new friend. She told me about leaving an abusive marriage. They’d had a house, kids, and financial security. All the things she believed she should want became a cage. The part of her story that stuck with me the most was not her leaving, which took serious courage. It’s the journey she's been on since. "Cages are invisible,” she said. Even as we make external changes, we may continue to operate within mental cages. These mental cages are often beliefs about what we should want and need.

We all need both structure and freedom. Too much structure can feel like a cage. Too much freedom can feel terrifying. Each of us has our own "structure/freedom index," our ideal proportion to thrive. This index varies dramatically from person to person as well as within our own lives. It’s informed by both natural temperament and life stage.

Right now, imagine this structure/freedom index as a blueprint to your “inner dream home,” a place where you feel both safe and free. Is it made of brick, wood, or straw? What feels like support? What feels like flexibility? Are you afraid of the wolf? Or are you the baddie, ready to “blow your house down?”

When I did this process around the question of where I want to live, I realized something remarkable. At this specific life stage, with my natural temperament, I feel both safe and free as a digital-pilgrim! I'll be working from the Camino de Santiago trail in May and June, walking 485 miles. (FollowListen to Lead for updates. I’ll be available for sessions from 9 a.m. to 2 p.m. ET daily  😊)

It turns out where I want to live is truly ever-changing, and that is completely right for me right now. This wasn’t the case just a few months ago. I had needed more structure to feel safe—at least an apartment to come back to. My process has expanded my sense of safety. I feel, for the first time, at home inside myself. The searching, for now, has given way to allowing. And I’ve given myself the time and attention to ask what I really want and need, versus what I’ve been conditioned to believe I want and need. 

The more we know our wants and needs, the more liberated we are to lead our lives.

In doing so, we become to others like Be, Mel, and Rochelle are to me. We are liberated to lead those ready to ask deeper questions. If you’re still reading, you’re indeed ready to ask these questions. I’m called to share my process with you. You can now book a Liberated to Lead 45-minute one-on-one coaching session.

Whether you’re wanting a big change or simply more happiness where you are, this is for you. We'll assess your structure/freedom index, make some radical choices, and set you on your way. Consider gifting a session to a friend whose liberation inspires you, as the journey continues.

*Radical means "to take root." What looks like wildness may be the flourishing of your most grounded self.

Be Liberated to Lead with Next Level / Leadership

1. One-on-one coaching processes

2. A group training: Connected Leadership Through Change (Live May 2nd or on-demand)
3. Game changing coaching: Connected Leadership or Align Whole-Life Coaching  

4. Uplifting community: Success Circles Membership (Applications open, launching Sept. '24)

Lucia brizzi