Women Leaders: Value Yourself, Not Your Ability to Self-Sacrifice
I’m too much of a pointless non-conformist to make an International Women's Day post. Blame it on my grandma (women’s libber, riveter, first woman to graduate Harvard Architectural School). Here’s my offer today, in the form of a stump speech and a practice.
A stump speech: Value yourself, not your ability to self-sacrifice.
Oprah tells a story about the first time a guest told women to put themselves first. Nice, polite, daytime TV-loving women stood up and booed, appalled at the notion. This was nearly three decades ago.
When it comes to valuing ourselves, we’re not there yet. When I ask women I coach to consider—even for a moment—what they want irrespective of what others want, I’ve faced the proverbial stand-up and boo. “You see this framed picture of my family?!?,” their eyes scream, "Look into my dog's eyes and ask that question again.”
If this is you, feel the strength of your love. You could not and would not possibly make a major decision without factoring in the wants and needs of those you care for and those you serve. You will and should factor all relevant parties into your decisions. This is the gift of connected leadership Sally Helgesen first identified in women leaders in the 90s, a cornerstone of our work.
And, if you never take the time to factor yourself in—your pure, uninfluenced wants and needs—your factoring is incomplete. Your decisions will be acts of self-denial, which, over time, is self-harm.
A practice: One Selfish Moment
Next time you're at a decision point, take three breaths—under two minutes—to sit with this question: “If no one else factored in, what would I want?” Add this data to the equation as you make your choice.
Tip: Practice with small choices—what to have for dinner or what movie to watch. As you get better at it, apply it to decisions of greater consequence.
A takeaway: You are a life source.
A world of people needs you to be strong, healthy, and happy. Then, there's the thing about only having your one, precious life. There's a little girl in you who's dreaming. There's an old woman who's looking back. Your choices in this moment make all the difference.
3 Ways to Value Yourself
1. A lunchtime session: Career Change Curious
This Thursday, March 14th, 12 - 1 p m, Zoom or on-demand replay. Explore possible expansive futures.
2. A conversation: Listen to Lead 3.7: Samar Issa on Radiance Through Change
Just out of undergrad, Samar boarded a boat to escape war in Lebanon. Upon meeting, our founder, Brigid Moynahan recognized a rare resilience. She hired her on the spot. Today, Samar was just awarded the 2023 Bright Idea Award for her intellectual contribution to the field of business (https://bit.ly/4bO9EPe). This is a conversation on the changes that happen to us, the changes we choose, and how all of it can be a blessing.
3. A training: Connected Leadership Through Change
With crisis management and communication expert Dr. Surabhi Sahay and Lucia Brizzi , May 2nd, 6 - 8 pm ET, Zoom and on-demand replay. Values-aligned practices to create a better future.
Ready for evolution? Connected Leadership or Align Whole Life Coaching may be right for you.
Ready for community? Success Circles membership may be right for you.
Onwards, for our grandmas.