HOW TO FINALLY GET OVER THE CONFIDENCE THING

Or, on being in the unknown.

As a leadership coach walking people through new or expanded roles, clients often quickly reveal to me that they have a foundational personality problem we'll never solve: a confidence issue. 

What are we actually dealing with here? Discomfort with the unknown. 

  • Not knowing the answers or where to find them. 

  • Not knowing the players or how to gain their respect. 

  • Not knowing if the eye roll is about a historic tension, the Dave Matthews Band reference, or the new initiative they've been tasked to lead.

Clients in similar transitions who’re comfortable with the unknown look at me with the sparkle of the sailor set for sea, the scientist in the lab, the athlete on game day. They get to discover, to solve, to engage themselves. They get to grow.

Of course, all my clients seek growth. You don’t take on the new role, you don’t hire the coach, if you don't want to expand. But fear of the unknown…

  • Fear of being called out (verses being called in)

  • Fear of being revealed (verses getting to know one another) 

  • Fear of being questioned (verses being in the questions)

... causes amnesia. Forget the desire to grow; these clients are struggling to survive. 

Fear triggers shutdown. These clients have the experience, passion, and vision. Yet, when stakes are high, access to all that makes them fit for the job is denied. 

This “confidence thing" confounds them because they are confident. They're confident when they don't need to be. How hilarious, how charming, how sharp we are around those with whom we have nothing to prove.

We shine when we have nothing to prove.

Those who appear to have hacked confidence aren't thinking in these terms at all. Through experience, or being in the ring of fire long enough, or mindset training, they’ve transcended the need to prove. They know that proving themselves is far from the point. They're focused on the job.

And yes, they’re in the unknown, too. They’re just remembering that, however uncomfortable, the unknown is exactly where they want to be.

Harness your mindset to transcend the confidence game. Learn about one-on-one leadership coaching or Success Circles membership.

Lucia brizzi