Observer Mode: Shift from "doing" to "perceiving" for transformative leadership presence

The quality of our presence changes the effect we have. When you can feel "I am just a piece of this, I can let go," then your bigness can come out in a clear, true way. Calm is power.

(For the podcast version of this article, tune into Listen to Lead on Spotify and Apple Podcasts)

Let me take you back to the early 2000s—high school science lab. We're dissecting a pig. I always chose to be the scientific observer, especially on this day. Not because I valued the observer role, but because I thought it was perfect for an exhausted teenager. I was tired. I thought this was the way to an easy A.

Now, so many years later, I understand the value of the observer. One way I learned this was by witnessing Success Circles in action over decades. This is our signature coaching program where each session, participants rotate between being the coach, the presenter being coached, and the observer of the process.

Not only is the observer often the most difficult role—there's that initial feeling of "I'm just sitting on my hands"—but it stretches participants in a powerful way. From that outsider perspective, observers gain the ability to connect dots that the coach and presenter, with their cognitive load, simply can't see.

In that creative, big-picture space, they're able to engage with both the "how" and the "what"—content and process simultaneously. They can spot just one shift to make someone a more effective coach. This observer holds their full third of the dynamic triangle.

There Is No Neutral Observer

If you think you can neutrally observe something, you're lying to yourself. This comes down to brain science. The reticular activating system (RAS) is constantly scanning the environment. This is where confirmation bias comes in. And, by understanding how our minds work, we can work with them to enhance our leadership.

The RAS is a network of neurons filtering what becomes conscious¹,². This filtering process narrows about 11 million bits of information per second²(imagine the overwhelm!) down to only 40-50 bits that consciously reach our awareness.

What does this mean for leaders? If you're stressed and notice the leader in the room looking agitated, there are countless other bits of information you could draw your focus to that would help you stay regulated, grounded, and clear.

Choose Your Focus Consciously

By choosing your focus, you're training your reticular activating system to look for more of that. What you appreciate appreciates—what is good grows when you focus on it. By focusing on what's working well, you can build upon that foundation.

This conscious choice-making becomes even more powerful when we understand...

Your Mind as a Programmable Tool

As we get to know AI tools like ChatGPT, it's helpful to understand how they work analogously to our minds. If you ask ChatGPT "write me an email," you'll sound like a scam artist. But if you ask it to "write me an email to someone living in Rhode Island, looking for a trainer on stepping into observer mode, who graduated from Notre Dame..." and provide specific details, you'll get a much better result.

Your mind is a tool—you use the tool, it doesn't use you. If you let your mind wander everywhere, it will drive you crazy. We need to work with our mental tool by giving it clear direction. The subconscious doesn't understand "no"—if you're saying "don't think this," it's impossible. Instead, use positive, affirming focus.

Quantum Leadership: The Observer Effect at Work

The quality of our presence changes the effect we have on ourselves and others. Think of this as quantum leadership. In quantum physics, the observer effect shows that the act of measurement changes how particles behave⁷,⁸. Even in nature, if you're watching a deer, the deer feels your presence.

Leadership works the same way. Quantum leadership is about being mindful of the quality of our presence—choosing a positive focus, giving space for others to step forward, and stepping back to observe the process.

The Popcorn Perspective for Conflict Management

Observer mode is especially powerful when dealing with conflict. Step back to the "popcorn perspective"—grab the popcorn and shift from being engaged on the level of drama to validating that everyone's feeling what they're feeling. Then have a conversation based on facts. It takes stepping back to witness what's happening to be effective in that moment.

Cultivate Calm

There's a profound calm that comes over us in observer mode: leaning back in our chair, letting our peripheral vision serve us, holding space, and breathing. We stay inside our own body.

Try this: Sit back in your chair, take two deep breaths and exhale slowly through your nose. Now wiggle your toes—something no one knows you're doing that helps you stay in your physical body.

If we do the opposite—lean forward, look out—we feel like a head trying to float across the room because we're giving all our energy and power outside ourselves. By bringing attention inward, we can hold space inside ourselves, balancing interoception (perceiving our internal world) with exteroception (perceiving the external world). That's where you can stay regulated and grounded, ready for whatever comes.

See the Whole with Soft Focus

There's a crucial difference between tunnel vision when stressed (looking straight at the problem) versus softening our focus to see the whole room.

Try this: Attempt to see in your periphery as you let your focus be soft. You're not looking at any one thing, but letting the periphery show up.

Research shows that improving peripheral vision⁴,⁵,⁶:

  • Increases reaction time

  • Enhances strategic thinking and decision-making

  • Allows you to pick up on subtle cues

  • Helps you quickly get a sense of the whole

  • Improves overall performance

Athletes train to enhance peripheral vision for these very benefits.

The Outsider Effect and Web-Style Thinking

Another powerful aspect of observer mode is the outsider effect. Newcomers bring fresh perspective to any field, project, or environment. We can get entrenched in our work, so stepping back, taking a breath, and looking afresh at established norms, processes, and assumptions is invaluable.

We've all experienced this: when working intensely, focused in, then we take a shower or plane ride, step away, and suddenly a new connection emerges. Creativity occurs when two disparate items in the brain come together to create something new.

This is the beauty of web-style leadership. We encourage people to think of their web—how can I work my whole web of relationships to move something forward? You can also think about your web of ideas, resources, and processes. Widening your web to let disparate items connect increases creativity—a fundamental mindset shift.

Five Benefits of Observer Mode for Leaders

1. Enhanced Awareness and Understanding

  • Self-awareness, team dynamics, and situational awareness

  • Ability to see patterns others miss

2. Improved Decision-Making and Problem-Solving

  • Pattern detection and information collection

  • Web-style thinking that connects disparate elements

3. Fostering Stronger Relationships

  • Building empathy by ensuring everyone feels seen and understood

  • Targeting guidance to support those who need it most

  • Creating psychological safety through genuine attention

4. Continuous Learning and Innovation

  • Identifying opportunities by spotting gaps

  • Encouraging curiosity by modeling observational skills

  • Bringing out talents and strengths in team members

5. Strengthening Leadership Skills

  • Enhanced feedback and coaching abilities

  • Improved big-picture, visionary thinking

  • Greater confidence in complex situations

Self-Development: Your Inner Personal Trainer

Recently, a client described her personal trainer's value: someone who can say, "I think you can go a little harder," "Pull back a bit," or "Hey, I noticed you've gotten stronger."

How do we create that observer of ourselves—that inner personal trainer to pace and track our own development? It's about building in reflection time and learning to have conversations with ourselves: knowing when to step back, when to step in, and being able to say after a meeting, "Here's what I could have done better."

We cannot be neutral, but we can be loving. We can be loving observers of ourselves. When it comes to accepting feedback from ourselves or others, it takes self-love. If you don't feel "I love myself" at your core, you'll protect yourself rather than examine what needs to shift.

What Are You Listening For?

When in observer mode, ask yourself: What am I listening for? We can listen for drama and challenges, or we can listen to uplift the room. Part of my definition of a leader is someone who seeks to uplift the group and bring forth the best.

Listen for what you want to see more of: people who are engaged, people's sparks, people you want to call forward. Remember, our presence changes the room. Whether you have the official title of group leader or not, you're shifting the environment just by how you show up.

The Power of Presence

At the end of our six-month Success Circle program, we have a storytelling graduation where everyone tells a personal story without notes or PowerPoint. (If you're sweating thinking about it, you're in good company!)

This event used to be wrought with tension. Now, there's a beautiful calm that comes over the room because there's been a shift in attention. We train our leaders to focus more on the time they'll spend listening, holding space, and encouraging non-verbally. By the time they've spent 20 minutes in that space, when they arrive to speak, they're gracious, generous, and in their wisdom.

When we are calm, we have access to it all.

Practice This Today

If I leave you with anything, it's this: Take a breath, take in the room, and remember that our smallness is our bigness. When you can feel "I am just a piece of this, I can let go," then the bigness can come out of you in a clear, true way.

Try this in your next meeting:

  • Breathe slowly through your nose (no one will notice)

  • Wiggle your toes to stay in your body

  • Sit back and let your focus become soft and peripheral

  • Notice that everyone's eyes are often on the leader or speaker

  • Watch the dynamics in the room

What about when it's your time to speak?

Consider "on-ramping" into the conversation. Like merging onto a highway, if you hesitate, you're done. To enter a conversation fluidly, we don't want to crash into someone, and we don't want to never get in. It takes ease. You need to learn to relax.

As one improv teacher told me: "Just pretend you're a basketball player up there. Play it cool. Even if you're not feeling cool, play it cool."

Calm is power. Once you're in that place of calm, your ideas will return. Your intelligence will return. You won't question why you're in the room—you'll just be in the room.

#Leadership #Mindfulness #ExecutiveCoaching #ProfessionalDevelopment #LeadershipCoaching #ConnectedLeadership #SuccessCircles #ListenToLead #LeadershipStorytelling #PeripheralVision #HolisticThinking #VisionaryLeadership #Neuroscience #BrainBasedCoaching #StrategicThinking #ListenToLead Next Level Leadership

References

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  2. Hughes, M. (2021). The Reticular Activating System: Your Brain's Bouncer. Neuroscience Review, 12(3), 45-52. https://www.melissahughes.rocks/post/ras-your-brains-bouncer

  3. Moruzzi, G., & Magoun, H. W. (1949). Brain stem reticular formation and activation of the EEG. Electroencephalography and Clinical Neurophysiology, 1(4), 455-473. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10203024/

  4. Ryu, D., Abernethy, B., Mann, D. L., Poolton, J. M., & Gorman, A. D. (2013). The role of central and peripheral vision in expert decision making. Perception, 42(6), 591-607. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24422243/

  5. Strasburger, H., Rentschler, I., & Jüttner, M. (2011). Peripheral vision in real-world tasks: A systematic review. Psychonomic Bulletin & Review, 18(3), 455-473. https://link.springer.com/article/10.3758/s13423-022-02117-w

  6. DeCouto, B. S., et al. (2024). The role of peripheral vision during decision-making in dynamic viewing sequences. Journal of Sports Sciences, 41(20), 1852-1867. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/02640414.2023.2301143

  7. Buks, E., Schuster, R., Heiblum, M., Mahalu, D., & Umansky, V. (1998). Dephasing in electron interference by a 'which-path' detector. Nature, 391, 871-874. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/1998/02/980227055013.htm

  8. Wheeler, J. A., & Zurek, W. H. (Eds.). (1983). Quantum theory and measurement. Princeton University Press. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Observer_effect_(physics)

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